Exam Procrastination

And I will die alone...

and be sucked up by a big black vortex so my soul will never find peace.

Conscious decisions

For the past couple of weeks I've been living in world where there isn't a PC in my room, my keys have lost their access, my pen has taken a drunken waltz, my faithful hackey sack has committed infidelity and my friends seem as if they are in transition.

Life doesn't seem to matter anymore because really what's the point? You live, you achieve, you fail, you love, you hate, you want to know whats going on but never really find out becuase there's nothing really going on.

So I'm on a mission, On a mission to find out what this really means and also try to make it through this horrible exam time. Its time to try and move on with a new mind set and try to forgive the mistakes made before and travel onwards into the future, where another year at Rhodes proves to be more difficult and another year trying to solve my love issues seems like a pepper (my hackey sack) on top of a black label quartz bottle.

I'm just a another stone at the bottom of the sea, waiting to be carried to shore by the currents and be picked up by a wondering mind and taken to a place where I'll be put with other stones and be just like everybody else...

Cause that's what I feel we're doing here, just trying to fit in until we are found and then when found we plunge to the inevitable place we call death.

Do you believe in magic ?

Grahamstown, you are filled with curiosity and sinister wonder

How I write a blog post

Sometimes I wonder why I even keep this blog up, It's not like I ever post something, post something worth readings and stop babberling...

I always get bored while writing a post. So I just zone out for a bit, maybe roll another joint, change the playlist, get confused and just stare at my creative walls, think about my family, think about my friends, think about my life, think about my lies, think about my pot supply, just think...

Then when I finally snap out of it, I get all emo and I want to paint, draw, pastel, design something. Listen to Dreams by the Cranberries...

Oh My life is changing everyday in every possible way

And oh my dreams its never quite as it seems
Never quite it seems

Wow shit! That's when I remember that I fucking writing a blog post...

Shit!

And then I press PUBLISH POST.

And that's basically how I write a post...

I saw the end of Grahamstown

The surfaces seem quite stable, maybe there may even be ample opportunity to seize this come-back feature but sadly there is no water in res, which means no comfort cleanse and smelly armpits.

The sun is shining though, the people are awesome and my heart has found a new lover.

They say you know thy self better when you're baked

So in my lost and dazed confusion of my existence. I have come to many conclusions, conclusions that will ultimately help me through the highway of life...

I am:
1) Complusive- I am an aries through and through, it's not even funny. I actually tried to explain it but I lost track and forgot what I was actually thinking about the first place. I think they call it A.D.D.

"A warning sign. Come on in, i've gotta tell you what a state I am...When the truth is, I MISSSS YOU, yeah the truth is that I just miss you so."

2)I love to hard. I think by my heart and not my head. I love once and I love forever. But only once... My love feels like it has been wasted :(

"And Im tired, I should not have left you go..."

3) I'm scared all the time.....I'm scared of my heart and that's just about the best thing that I own...

"And I crawl back into open arms..."

4)I always wanna have shower except when I'm with you...

"Go find another lover. To bring a to string along"

(Bon Iver you are boss)

FOR (NO NAME), FOREVER AGO

Maybe It's just me

So today was a strange day. I awoke with a haze, I needed to do my 8 pager.. yes fuck I'm still doing that fucking 8 pager... but anyway time to snap. out . of . it... okay what was I saying.. wow this rusk tastes great.... .

O yes I was doing my newspaper (not literally you whore). Rusk. Rusks are sore to eat. Ouch. I feel like watching something... Hmm maybe . I heard a packet fall around the corner.. Okay I joke. the crumbs are staring at me... ahhhh what the horse.

Oh and then I left the design labs, went to my pol lecture with Kapa, sat next to Andy, wrote in Andy's book, tried to copy Andy's notes and falling asleep later. Rusk, change the artist from The smiths to Staind. Hmmm Staind, much better (yay face).

Then went to get me pol reader, chatted with Litha for awhile. Home. Lunch. Design Labs. Leshville.

Wow what am I still doing up

Let go of your heart and let go of your head

I woke up this morning with a strong sense of feeling absolutely nothing. My mind is numb and my heart has been overworking to contain and protect the love it was given when created. I have this eight page newspaper to layout and I also have a deal with some magic brown vegetables used as pizza topics. I know I should be in the Design Lab laying out this damned boring paper and get it over and done so I get fucked up like a character out of Skins but I would rather just sit here and get lost in the smooth curvatures of my mind and stare at the beige coloured walls with the utmost affection for Plascon for creating dirt paint colours.

"Let go of your heart, let go of your head and feel it now"
It's easier said then done Mr Gray, how about you come here into my res room and tell me just how to fuck my heart and just fucking feel it. How can I feel anything when my heart is tired and my head is dislodged out of the space and time continuum.

I need to sort this out, I need to get over this the same way I need to get over that person and the same way I need to open the curtains to let the sunshine in. I can see the brightness of the sun through the brown shitty colour, as the walls, curtains. I don't want to open it, it's there to make me believe that the day has begun and I should get the fuck to the Design labs and waste my life away. I need a change of heart. I need to feel again. I need to makes these walls less false and more realistic.

It's my Forth Day!!!

It started in September, when I was elected onto the SRC as Media councillor. I thought I could handle the stress and I thought that I would never start chain smoking in all my days. But then Christina's carton on the floor and her extra lighter and Lassy's voice just made the whole situation look pretty sweet and idealio in more ways than one.
It was the head rush, I'm not going to lie, it was good. It felt like I could breathe again, that I could actually just sit and not think, just be a part of the moment like a bungy (hippy in Rhodes lingo) and not think about all the work that was piling up in my webmail inbox.
This weekend that just passed made me start wondering about where this path is leading, Hogsback could have been the reason but I think it was the chunder on my floor on Monday morning that made me rethink my life choice.
I woke up at half 6 this morning with a mind set that I was going to go to gym, I got dressed, walked out the door , walked halfway there and remembered that I forgot my student card. I then walked back to res made myself some two-minute noodles and read FanFiction until I had the urge to finish my 4 page newspaper due on Monday.... Fuuuuucccckkk Casper is going to slaughter me like how the Hutu's did to the Tutsi's.